Friday, March 26, 2010

Breaking Down Walls

I DID IT! I made it thru yesterday! Yesterday was one of those days where you have the defining moment of hitting the wall or breaking thru.

I have come to learn that those days when you hit the wall are the days when you have the potential to make the most progress, when you reach that next level of lean.

You can hit the wall, and give in and cheat, or eat a little off plan, just a few more carbs etc. which means you bounce back and then just hit that wall again, kinda like a furious little bumble bee hitting a sunny window.

bzzt! bzzt! bzzt! LOL!

OR , you can stay the course, push thru , dig deep into physical and mental energy and break thru!! Step out on the other side and reach new levels!

I stayed the course! I DID do my weights and I DID do my 40 min of cardio after and I DID do another 45 min of cardio while watching Grey's Anatomy . . . . . . . which was probably not the most healthy episode for me to watch.

When Dr.Hunt was explaining what death would look like to the Husband who was dealing with a terminally ill wife who wanted to commit Dr. assisted suicide . . he said there will be a moment when their face will relax and be calm and all their pain will be gone and for a brief moment you will feel relief, and you will know you made the right decision . .

OMG! that took me back to Jan . .watching my husband struggle with the decision to take his father off life support and me supporting him thru that. The final moments before Bernie died, his last breath a single tear slid down his cheek. That tear haunts me . . was he crying because we gave up??

Or was it a tear of contented joy, having all his estranged children with him, that they made peace with their alcoholic Father and were there by his bedside and he was regretting all the time he missed because of his choices and he could now feel the love and he was not dying alone . .. I prefer to think that . . but it was explained so well, the face and the body relaxing and you feel relief and feel you made the right decision . . for a brief moment . .then there is the turmoil of emotions after that . ..

I was kinda a bawling emotional wreck after that episode. But, *inhaaale, exhaaaale* deep breathe . . I am going to be ok. It is day 30 of my cycle so I would say I am a wee bit more emotional right now too.

Here is to another great day , focusing on the positive, being thankful for all the good in my life and breaking down walls!!


  1. I'm the little bee right now HA! I'll get it TOTALLY together after my vacation.

    You're doing great!

  2. Great job tearing down those walls!! And good post about your father in law. Very emotional!

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