Yesterday I woke up all determined, fired up, feeling focused. I got my cardio room ready. I set up my TV and DVD player. I was going to watch Olympics. I was meditating on the 4 years of training they put in for their competition, and relating that to 12 weeks prep for a figure competition. But by the time I had the room set up my mind set had changed. I was wishing I would have done that prep before so it was all ready to go for the morning. Cuz now I didn't really have time for cardio and I needed to get to the gym to do my weights and bump my cardio to after my weights.
But, now I was feeling like crap and unfocused and not wanting to go. I was looking at my house and seeing everything that was wrong and untidy and just a huge to-do list.
I had my workout and cardio to do, and then I had an appointment to train my hubby on his lunch. So I was looking at close to 3 hours at the gym. House work was not gonna be a top priority and I was feeling further behind.
I even contemplated calling my hubby and telling him he was on his own cuz I didn't feel like going. But, I sat and thought about it. If I didn't go to the gym I was going to sink into an even deeper depression and self destructive habits that are so contrary to my goals and true inner desires.
I went, didn't break any intensity records but I accomplished my workout and viewed that as a victory.
I in a state of being so sick of where I am , how far I have slipped. I am reminiscing about days of smaller jeans, and tighter abs, and defined shoulders, and the elated feeling of accomplishing so much in a day and exercise was a priority and everything else just seemed to fall into place. In one breath it makes me want to sit and mope and eat cake cuz I fell like I am so far away and have no hope, yet in the next breath I know that results will happen soon enough and I just need to remain positive and continue to take one step at a time towards my goal. Keep moving forward, the results will come.
I need to keep the end result in mind, but not so much so that I can't rejoice over the smaller victories along the way. I need to fall in love with the process all over again, and enjoy the smaller steps that lead to the bigger picture.
As despondent and unmotivated I may be at times, my deep inner drive to succeed is there. I DO really want it! I need to keep nurturing that fire. I do visualize and I live in that moment in my head like it is a reality, I need to reconcile my thoughts with my actions. I need to make my affirmations a reality again.
" Everything looks like a failure in the middle.
If you send a rocket to the moon,
about 90% of the time it is off course -
it "fails" its way to the moon
by continually making mistakes and correcting them"