Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Trip to the "Moon"

It is amazing and frustrating all at the same time how quickly thoughts and emotions can change and need to be re adjusted.

Yesterday I woke up all determined, fired up, feeling focused. I got my cardio room ready. I set up my TV and DVD player. I was going to watch Olympics. I was meditating on the 4 years of training they put in for their competition, and relating that to 12 weeks prep for a figure competition. But by the time I had the room set up my mind set had changed. I was wishing I would have done that prep before so it was all ready to go for the morning. Cuz now I didn't really have time for cardio and I needed to get to the gym to do my weights and bump my cardio to after my weights.

But, now I was feeling like crap and unfocused and not wanting to go. I was looking at my house and seeing everything that was wrong and untidy and just a huge to-do list.

I had my workout and cardio to do, and then I had an appointment to train my hubby on his lunch. So I was looking at close to 3 hours at the gym. House work was not gonna be a top priority and I was feeling further behind.

I even contemplated calling my hubby and telling him he was on his own cuz I didn't feel like going. But, I sat and thought about it. If I didn't go to the gym I was going to sink into an even deeper depression and self destructive habits that are so contrary to my goals and true inner desires.

I went, didn't break any intensity records but I accomplished my workout and viewed that as a victory.

I in a state of being so sick of where I am , how far I have slipped. I am reminiscing about days of smaller jeans, and tighter abs, and defined shoulders, and the elated feeling of accomplishing so much in a day and exercise was a priority and everything else just seemed to fall into place. In one breath it makes me want to sit and mope and eat cake cuz I fell like I am so far away and have no hope, yet in the next breath I know that results will happen soon enough and I just need to remain positive and continue to take one step at a time towards my goal. Keep moving forward, the results will come.

I need to keep the end result in mind, but not so much so that I can't rejoice over the smaller victories along the way. I need to fall in love with the process all over again, and enjoy the smaller steps that lead to the bigger picture.

As despondent and unmotivated I may be at times, my deep inner drive to succeed is there. I DO really want it! I need to keep nurturing that fire. I do visualize and I live in that moment in my head like it is a reality, I need to reconcile my thoughts with my actions. I need to make my affirmations a reality again.

" Everything looks like a failure in the middle.
If you send a rocket to the moon,
about 90% of the time it is off course -
it "fails" its way to the moon
by continually making mistakes and correcting them"


  1. Its so funny that you just posted this. It is almost identical to mine :) Im glad im not the only one who feels this way :)

  2. oh i wanted to ask you...do you take Estracort? How is it? I was told to add it to my supps but i wasn't sure?