Now? . . How 'bout . . now! . . . Now?

Oh dear lord! I am not having a good time trying to find things to wear these days. I am trying to tell myself that it is just the menstrual bloating. But my FAT clothes are tight! Yes, I tried on my biggest skirt the other day and I felt like I was squished in a sausage casing!!! blech!

I am drinking my last Kaluaha and milk and then I am gonna definitely start tomorrow! . I mean Monday?

SOON!

oh yeah! Look what else I saw at the liquor store tonight . . . not sure if this is ironic or more prophetic? LOL! . . . *sigh*

Had A Moment . . Went For It

Ya. .I was havin' a moment yesterday.

During my workout I started feeling better, and decided to just walk into "Great Cuts" and go for the chop!!

I love it!! Never had hair this short before ever. I had shorter hair 15 years ago as a teen, but it was more chin length bob. This is gonna be fun!

BEFORE

(on better hair days)

AFTER

( looking at this made me realise I didn't look as bad as I felt

but I also did put a lot of concealer on before I took the pic.)

Shed some hair, now let's shed some lbs . . . I am ready for a spring cleaning ;)

FUGLY!

I am having an ugly day. I feel f'n ugly or simply put fugly!

I am waiting for aunt flo to arrive and I am so painfully bloated and poofy, all my clothes feel gross.

I am having a nasty PMS acne breakout.

My grey roots are showing - I am ONLY 30, but I have been dying my hair since I was ohh hmmmm . . . 24 at least! I am getting close to bein' 1/3 gray - so not fair. :P

My hair needs a major whacking. It is frizzy and frazzled at the ends. Complemented by the short frizzy grays that wanna shoot straight up on the top of my head.

I can't just throw my hair into a bun or pony tail cuz my neck is polka dotted with acne welts. WELTS I tell ya!

I would love to go get my hair done to make me feel better but, again, the acne on my neck has me hiding.

I could just throw a box dye in it to cover my gray, but I think I would be too tempted to start whacking at it myself with scissors in a hormonal PMS frenzy . . not good. I will refrain 'til calmer heads prevail.

So what am I gonna do?

I am gonna go find a baggy t-shirt and my nicest pair of black slimming yoga pants and go to the gym and sweat my a$$ off and train legs, cuz at least then I will have a darn good excuse for looking fugly.

. . . and I may even feel better after LOL!

My Trip to the "Moon"

It is amazing and frustrating all at the same time how quickly thoughts and emotions can change and need to be re adjusted.

Yesterday I woke up all determined, fired up, feeling focused. I got my cardio room ready. I set up my TV and DVD player. I was going to watch Olympics. I was meditating on the 4 years of training they put in for their competition, and relating that to 12 weeks prep for a figure competition. But by the time I had the room set up my mind set had changed. I was wishing I would have done that prep before so it was all ready to go for the morning. Cuz now I didn't really have time for cardio and I needed to get to the gym to do my weights and bump my cardio to after my weights.

But, now I was feeling like crap and unfocused and not wanting to go. I was looking at my house and seeing everything that was wrong and untidy and just a huge to-do list.

I had my workout and cardio to do, and then I had an appointment to train my hubby on his lunch. So I was looking at close to 3 hours at the gym. House work was not gonna be a top priority and I was feeling further behind.

I even contemplated calling my hubby and telling him he was on his own cuz I didn't feel like going. But, I sat and thought about it. If I didn't go to the gym I was going to sink into an even deeper depression and self destructive habits that are so contrary to my goals and true inner desires.

I went, didn't break any intensity records but I accomplished my workout and viewed that as a victory.

I in a state of being so sick of where I am , how far I have slipped. I am reminiscing about days of smaller jeans, and tighter abs, and defined shoulders, and the elated feeling of accomplishing so much in a day and exercise was a priority and everything else just seemed to fall into place. In one breath it makes me want to sit and mope and eat cake cuz I fell like I am so far away and have no hope, yet in the next breath I know that results will happen soon enough and I just need to remain positive and continue to take one step at a time towards my goal. Keep moving forward, the results will come.

I need to keep the end result in mind, but not so much so that I can't rejoice over the smaller victories along the way. I need to fall in love with the process all over again, and enjoy the smaller steps that lead to the bigger picture.

As despondent and unmotivated I may be at times, my deep inner drive to succeed is there. I DO really want it! I need to keep nurturing that fire. I do visualize and I live in that moment in my head like it is a reality, I need to reconcile my thoughts with my actions. I need to make my affirmations a reality again.

" Everything looks like a failure in the middle.
If you send a rocket to the moon,
about 90% of the time it is off course -
it "fails" its way to the moon
by continually making mistakes and correcting them"

Let's Proceed!

OK! Wrist- NOT fractured YAY!

Answers as to WHY it hurts sooOOo bad - none. Not good

BUT

Was referred to Physio Therapy across the hall from the doctors office, and I got in RIGHT AWAY, my lucky day.

I had a 1.5 hour therapy session. My FAVORITE part was the "tazer" device (that's what I call it) they hooked up to my wrist and made me all tingly and vibrate, but it was such a gooooood deeeeep massage it was so awesome for pain relief !

umm but the COST did not relieve my pain. $45 ouch! another $40 if I go back this week. But I have a root canal to finish up on March 8th and I gotta portion my money carefully these days.

So I have been using heat, and doing some stretching exercises and battery operated massager on it.

OH! that reminds me of when I was at physio and the PT gave me a vibrator, sex toy uhhh let's say "discreet" massager LOL! it was all I could do to not smirk when she handed it to me, it looked so inappropriate! Yes, I am immature. You know you woulda thought the same thing too! LOL!

I was amazing how remarkably better I felt after leaving Physio ! Mostly cuz I was able to open and close my car door and turn the steering wheel effectively without being in pain. Push ups are a little ways off yet.

It continues to feel better after my stretching and massaging and heat etc at home. So I am less scared to use it and do more with it now that I know I am not going to injure it further. Such a relief!

So now I need to proceed with training and stop the last chance syndrome as so eloquently put by Third Wish in her blog
http://third-wish.blogspot.com/

Protein Bars

So often I get girls asking:

" what is a good protein bar, that you would recommend?"

Honestly, not many. Most are high sugar and are just a protein infused candy bar that are hard to digest and so many ingredients you can't pronounce. If you are in a pinch they are better than a Big Mac, but IMHO they should not be a regular snack item.

UNLESS you make your own. The following recipe is simple 5-7 ingredients and you can pronounce them ALL lol! :P

This is my new favorite recipe for homemade protein bars. I make 2 different versions, a lean version and a post workout version. I adapted this just a bit from a reader submitted recipe in Muscle & Fitness Hers.

What I love about this recipe is that is is low sugar no honey , brown sugar etc.

Homemade Protein Bars - Lean Version
2 Cups Oatmeal
4 Scoops chocolate protein
½ Cup Peanut Butter
2 T Ground Flax Seed
½ Cups water

Mix all ingredients evenly in a bowl until forms a paste.
Press into a 9x9 pan lined with wax paper and level evenly.
Refrigerate.
Cut into 8 equal portions. Keep refrigerated.

NUTRITIONAL INFO
245 Calories per bar
Protein 20.5g
Carbs 17g
Fat 11.25g

Homemade Protein Bars - Post Workout Version
2 Cups Oatmeal
6 Scoops Chocolate Protein
½ Cup Peanut Butter
2 T Ground Flax Seed
½ cup Dried Currants
½ Cup Sliced Almonds
½ - ¾ Cups Water

Mix all ingredients evenly in a bowl until forms a paste add water gradually until desired consistency.
Press into a 9x9 pan lined with wax paper and level evenly.
Refrigerate.
Cut into 8 equal portions. Keep refrigerated.

NUTRITIONAL INFO
333.75 Calories per bar
Protein 28.75g
Carbs 24g
Fat 13.25g

which is which ? ?

On the left: I made yummy oatmeal macaroons cookies for my kids lunches this morning, sugar, butter, milk, coco, oats yummmmyyy my FAVORITE childhood cookie!!

. . . BUT the protein bars on the RIGHT are a much healthier choice and satisfy my craving! :)

Befuddled By Injury

Well, there certainly seems to be quites a few injuries out there in fitness blogger land!
Alas, I am admitting to joining the ranks.

I have been having issues with my right wrist since late Oct. early Nov. I thought it was just a strain and tried pushing thru the pain expecting to get better as all little aches and pains of training usually do.

It was getting worse. So I invested in a wrist brace to wear when the pain got a bit worse and I felt like I needed some extra stability. But, I only wore it around the house.

But the more I acknowledged my injury and tried to compensate and reduce aggravation it got worse.

Now it hurts to close a car door, knead dough, hold a pen, pickup my puppy . . pretty much everything.

So I got an X-ray last Friday. I see the doc this Friday for the report.

In the meantime I did some Internet research and my self diagnosis hypochondriac guess is a
scaphoid fracture

So at this point I can't pick up a jug of milk anymore let alone any weights at the gym. So I can basically only train legs and do cardio . . . hmmm . .kinda sucks cuz everything my favorite is upper body. . . but everything I neeeed to improve (as in trim down) is lower body.

So, I may just focus on leaning down, finally . Cuz, that may be all I can do . .

But, we'll see. Like I said it is my self diagnosis at this point. regardless it hurts and needs help , meaning rest I guess.

first step is admitting it.

*sigh*

Famous Last Words

OH! the other day when I was on my stepper doin' cardio one of my all time kick @ss-get my inner mojo goin'- makes me wanna push harder and fight songs came on my ipod shuffle and WOW it really gave me a boost and it has been goin' thru my head ever since.

Once again I put my own meaning into the song.


Famous Last Words
~ My Chemical Romance


Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...

(Conversation with myself: feeling like quitting my cardio cuz this sucks! I have the choice to quit, can't force myself to do anything. But where is my heart? THE STAGE! My heart wants to excel! Dig deep into your heart and don't quit! You have the choice to quit, can't force yourself to do anything, but don't quit! )

. . . . .

So many Bright lights, that cast a shadow

. . .

(makes me think of the stage)

A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home


Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak


(I tell myself if it were easy everyone would be doing it. But think of the deep inner satisfaction I get from accomplishing my goals, It a hard life, a demanding love ,but the feeling in the end is worth it. I may be an outcast and different than the majority, but it is an individual sport and I will carry on and do it alone if I have to, nothing anyone says will stop me from achieving )


and the guitar and drums and gritty way he sings is so powerful to me !!!

MMmmmm Soup!

I found this soup recipe in the Jan/Feb issue of Muscle and Fitness Hers, I decided to post this recipe after I commented on April's blog about rutabegas:
http://redhead75.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/whos-first/

Cuz , when I was shopping for the ingredients for the soup I needed turnip. I couldn't find turnip, but I saw rutabega, thought it WAS a turnip. You know the whole to-MAY-toe , to-MAH-toe thing.

Well guess they are not the same. Anyway, I tried the soup and love it!! I made a HUGE batch.

Now you need to know a few things. I did not follow the portions of the recipe exactly. I was supposed to be making a double batch of the soup, I threw in massive amounts of veggies. I had an entire bag of spinach and even tho the recipe called for a cup, I threw in the ENTIRE bag cuz I love spinach. Most of the other veggies too, I was thinking as I chopped it up, what the point in chopping up half of it, throw the whole thing in.

I made my chicken stock. I like boiling my chicken breasts. It is quick, easy, can't burn'em, and keeps'em moist. What's left in the pot . . chicken stock! Perfect!

Now, the soup. This was a chunky veggie soup, smells WONDERFUL! The magazine also suggests that you can puree the soup. Well, I knew that was gonna look disgusting, and it would make me hesitate to try it. So I ate one bowl in the original yummy chunky veggie form. But I like to know what I am getting in my food and my meals are balanced so I like the idea of pureed soup, everything mixed thoroughly and evenly :P

After you puree it is looks disgusting but tastes YUM! I then have this instant moisture mixture to pour over everything else Like my chicken and rice!! I cut up my 4oz of chicken or whatever, measure out my rice, grab a cup of the soup mix it all together and VOILA! Instant effortless FLAVOURFUL meal! :)

I foresee lots of this soup always being in my fridge, mmm liquid veggies :P

Veggie Soup
(Called Winter Detox Cocktail in the Jan/Feb issue of M&F Hers. Pg 23 )

Makes 4 servings

2T olive oil
3 cloves garlic
1/2C onion
1/2C turnip
1Lg carrot
2C chicken stock
1 Lg zucchini
1C fresh spinach
1/8 tsp cayenne
1/2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp rosemary
1/2 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp cumin

Chop / cube all veggies.

Heat olive oil in large sauce pan over med. heat. Add garlic and onion, and saute 5 min.

Add turnip and carrot and saute another 5 min.

Pour in chicken stock and simmer 10min.

Toss in zucchini simmer 5 more min

Add spinach and spices simmer 5-10 more min

This is what mine looked like after pureed and some chunks of chicken thrown in:

Hmmm . . guess I coulda been a bit more

Martha Stewart with the soup pic.

Don't let the yucky looking picture deter you, it really is yummy . . honest!

Pancakes Too !

I tried a new Protein Pancake recipe today after reading Tina's Blog : http://reinventingme2.blogspot.com/

I wanted a pure Protein Pancake minimal carbs.

Butter Milk Protein Pancake
(not really)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder
1 egg white
1T of fat free sour cream
water for batter consistency
pinch of baking powder

I cooked up one big pancake, and then I mashed up a whole boiled egg and spread that on top , and then


I guess I'll have to post recipe pics and nutrition info later :P

My Journal at Muscle and Fitness Hers Forums has been quite active lately :P

yeahh. . . usually me not posting means I am up to no good, or I am too busy . . usually more of up to no good tho ;)

then I get determined and focused then I wanna post like 3 times in 5 minutes

so thought I better be fair and share some of the love over here LOL

I Am Ready, Things Clicked

Today was a GREAT day!

Things just clicked. I had a great eating day, no real cravings.

I trained legs for the first time in weeeeks, and

I


DID

CARDIO


FINALLLY!

40 min this evening after training a client.

I just felt good, and ready to get back into it.

So,

*gulp*

tomorrow I plan on doing' the "official" weigh in and pictures gotta commit and get things started right. not sure IF I will compete, but why wait to get in shape.

IF I do compete, I am now not sure which one I will do

Western Canadians May 22nd

or

The Northern Classic 2 weeks later June 12th

leaning towards June, easier show to get to, my family lives in between here and there, so I wouldn't have to stay in a hotel for as long, it saves me money . . and gives me two more weeks to whip my butt into bling bikini shape

I am disappointed I reverted so far back.... a work in progress, I will master this.
(hey ya never know maybe the pics will not be as bad as I think . . . but I'm not holding my breath, and I am not sure about posting them here :P )

I am determined to be firm about my goal of not letting my weight get over 130 again! My bedtime snack was cottage cheese mixed with splenda and cocoa powder blended up . I enjoyed it!