Workings of My Brain

So, Sunday night I weighed 142.5 OMGAwsh I KNOW!! I had just got my Tony info that afternoon. I took my pics Monday morning.

It is kinda hard to weigh myself first thing in the morn when I am chugging coffee and dragging my butt down stairs. SO, just for torture sakes I got the urge to weigh myself in the afternoon yesterday, I was wearing a shirt, my husbands baggy hoodie, pants, and I had eaten and drank at least 2L of water, and I weighed 141lb!!

soooo by Sunday ,my complete rest day, I will be able to do a proper morning weigh in. ya know the drill as soon as I waked up, before breakfast and after empty bladder LOL! It should be a pretty good weigh in :) we'll see . . .

I will post pics along the way. I just don't really feel like posting my before pictures until I can post them with a new and improved progress shot . . . kinda like the principle of not having anything nice to say, so not saying anything LOL!

Got my flax seed oil like Mr. Trainer said. Put 1T in my oatmeal like Mr.Trainer said. 1st couple bites, took me some gettin used to . . but I think I can manage it. I just loved my oatmeal the way it was *pout* but honestly I think I won't even know it is there next time, and with the amount of carbs I get in a day I will be lookin' forward to that oatmeal no matter what !! Do whatcha gotta do!

I set my alarm for 5min earlier this morning 6:40am. I needed to make sure I got a full 45 min of cardio done and still have enuf time to squeak the kids out the door and onto the bus. Did it just BARELY . . let's just say they got their morning cardio in too LOL!

One thing I am thankful for is that my morning coffee can stay as is right now YAY! He even said I could use a little bit of half and half, but no thanks! I'll use the almond milk, good enuf for me!!

I have to say, as this progresses one of my major struggles as I get in shape is this: I start to fit all my cute jeans, no fat rolls, I feel pretty good in a swim suit, muscle are pretty darn obvious especially at the gym. I start to like the way I look, at that point and I get tired and think WHY?!! WHY?!!? do I need to torture myself and get on stage, just be happy with whatcha got right now.

BUT

I know that if I quit I will be mad that I didn't follow thru. and I feel like crying cuz it is so hard and I just wanna eat foooood! and this is so harrrrd. It takes a lot of mental focus to keep my head in the game and imagine the moments of sheer joy and success that I do this for.

But when my head gets like that I think well, if I just have a couple cookies right now, I can just absorb it (or whatever) and burn it off, my body needs it , it will help me regain my focus and carry on blah blah blah. But, THOSE are the little sabotages that prevent me from excelling, and really being my best!!

I want to win that struggle this time!!

So much of this is about personal victory for me. It has to be, cuz even if I give my all, my heart and soul, and look my best darn ever and know I did my 100% best I may not be what the judges are looking for that day. I would love a top 3 placing, but I have to remember the personal victories and have no regrets . .

. . . but I will still work my a$$ off with 1st place in my sights!